Tips for Friends

Parents of terminally-ill children cope with challenges differently. Support of Family, friends and even strangers really matters – it may be a lifeline for the parents. So, if you say you’re going to help, commit to it. When someone backs out when your child is sick, it can be very devastating. You learn who your “real” friends are.
Talk about care and hope. Talk about how sweet and precious their child is and how much you love them. You should validate the seriousness of the illness by confirming that they are facing something very difficult.

Do's

Reach out. It is important for the family to know that you are there to help.

Use common sense when visiting

Talk about the Child. Don't shy away from speaking about someone's child who is ill.

Let your friend or family member talk. It’s important for people to tell their story. Listen to them.

Be specific. General offers to help are less useful than specific offers.

If you do not understand the medical terms, please feel free to ask.

Please bring meals. It should be fresh, easy to heat up, easy to clean up.

Offer to babysit other children during appointments.

Accompany them to the appointment if they need someone

Be willing to just sit in the waiting room with your friend.

Be available to help when parents are sick or have to travel out of town.

Be available to help out in the middle of the night and emergencies.

Offer to do an overnight stay and let them get some uninterrupted night time sleep.

Everyone wants to help immediately, but help is needed for a long.Be there for the long term – several months years.

Offer to do things eg. contacting school, their workplace.

Give them a file folder and a Pen drive to keep medical documents. Even scanned copies and photocopies are useful.

Research and gather information which can be of use to them.

Call before you go to the market and check if they need anything. Offer to pick up medicines, grocery.

Help clean and disinfect their home before they come home from the hospital.

You can Gift them wipes, masks, soaps, and hand sanitizer.

Offer to help with the household chores or pet care.

Even if you are not local but want to help, you can gift a toy or a game from Amazon.

Just be present and let your friend cry or sit in silence.

Stay calm, be kind, and be patient.

Don’t

✓ PLEASE do not pity them.
✓ Don’t visit without checking first.
✓ If you are feeling sick, stay away.
✓ Don’t prolong the visit.
✓ Do not take latex balloons as many people are allergic to the latex in balloons.
✓ Avoid sending flowers. It could cause an allergic reaction or carry bacteria.
✓ Don’t take it personally if your friend doesn’t want to talk. The stress of being a caregiver is overwhelming.
✓ Don’t be afraid to reach out with thoughtful phone calls, but the family is likely overwhelmed and may not be able to respond.
✓ Please don’t give unsolicited medical advice. You’re not a doctor.
✓ Don’t tell them to “Be happy” or “cheer up.” They are entitled to their feelings.
✓ Don’t tell horror stories and don’t compare your friend’s child to another.
✓ Don’t offer platitudes. Don’t use such phrases: “I know how you feel”, “This is what you should do.”, “I don’t know how you’re managing it all.”, “Everything is going to be fine.”, “What’s the life expectancy with that?”, “Do you feel like talking? I’m here to listen.”, “How is the child feeling today?”.

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