“Our parents are our first relationship… So, when a parent dies, it is your anchor being taken away” - Kessler

Losing a parent is among the most emotionally difficult, shocking and life- changing universal experiences. This is as true for adults as it is for children and young people. We always think of ourselves as ‘children’ until we lose our parents.
Even in the best-case scenarios, where loss of a parent is anticipated, and there’s time for families to prepare, the loss of their support, guidance, and love can leave a vast emptiness and pain that might seem impossible to heal. The hardest part is knowing that you’ll never have a mother/father again.

Grieving the Loss

Losing a parent means a loss of childhood, of innocence, and a part of oneself.
Adults, however, are expected to be able to cope, to get on with their life. The reality can be quite different. Whether contact was regular, or occasional and distant and no matter what age you are, you are always your parent’s child. “Suddenly it was like living in a house without a roof. Dad was always there – I knew I could rely on him. What will I do now?” If you reached adulthood and are successful, you still need your parents for years to come.

The death of a parent is a highly stressful life event for children. A child can never get over the grief of losing a parent. They have to just grow through it.

The impact of trauma in children depends so heavily on the life stage during which the event occurs. The loss of a parent at an early age has a profound effect on the rest of that person’s life. It can affect personality development, a sense of security, and relationships with the surviving parent and others leading to long-term psychological damage.

The loss of one or both parents can be associated with a higher vulnerability for children, both from a short- and long-term perspective. Studies have revealed that the death of a parent in childhood or adolescence is associated with an increased mortality risk during childhood, adolescence and into early adulthood.Do not expect that their overt behaviors will necessarily reveal their internal distress.
Family routines and roles change, In some cases, the children’s remaining parent/caregivers are struggling with their own grief and as a result, it can be a challenge for them to provide sufficient support. For the children, this can mean reduced time, attention and support. A child’s problems post bereavement may also appear in school as concentration difficulties or behavioral problems followed by lower competence than non-bereaved youths in the areas of work and future education planning.

Family relationships

The death of a parent may also affect all of your relationships especially with and between your family members. Responsibility to support and care for other members can be difficult as you cope with your own grief. You’re all grieving, and that can put a strain on all your interactions with each other. This can be a source of great stress and emotion. Expect arguments and differences of opinion within the family.

Coping with Grief

Children need constant support for at least the first two years. Ironically, our society shows very little understanding about the unique pain of losing a mother or father, that is why support groups can be so powerful and helpful. Support needs to be directed at the bereaved children. Relatives can and must step in to comfort them. Children may wish to discuss grief-related experiences with other people who had similar experiences. Connecting with other bereaved children can be helpful for children who attend a support group, as it can help them to feel less isolated and alone. Family sessions involving both children and the remaining parent may be an opportunity to sit down together and talk about the loss and their feelings about it. Some children avoid talking about their problems or showing their feelings as they try to protect their remaining parent. This can sometimes be misinterpreted as a sign that the child is not affected by the loss. The teacher and other school staff can play a significant supportive role for the grieving child.
Find ways to remember your parent. You can make their favorite recipe, write them letters, and celebrate their birthdays.
If you’re struggling with your grief, please seek support from a mental health professional, such as a therapist or psychologist.

If you’re struggling with your grief, please seek support from a mental health professional, such as a therapist or psychologist.