The loss of a child may be the worst trauma a human being can experience. The death of a child is considered the single worst stressor a person can go through. No parent is prepared for a child's death. When your child dies, it feels unnatural to outlive a child. The pain and devastation of your loss can feel overwhelming.

How long your child lived does not determine the pain of your loss. The loss of a child is profound at every age. When child is young, we are intimately involved in their daily lives. Death changes every aspect of life, leaving an enormous emptiness. The death of an adolescent is difficult because children at this age are beginning to reach their potential and become independent individuals. When an adult child dies, you lose not only a child but often a close friend, a link to grandchildren, and an irreplaceable source of emotional and practical support.
Men are often expected to control their emotions, be strong, and take charge of the family. Women may be expected to cry openly and want to talk about their grief.
Some of the immediate emotions in grief are shock, numbness, denial, confusion and disbelief; all of which can act as a cushion against the full impact of your loss.
As time passes some of these early emotions may begin to wear off as others emerge, including guilt, anger, loneliness, despair, sadness and regret; and because of the intensity of all of the emotions you are feeling, you may not be fully able to comprehend all that you are experiencing. These feelings and emotions are all a normal and natural response to the death of someone you love.
While the absence of a child is your primary loss, the loss of the dreams and hopes you held for them may add to your grief. As time moves on, your grief may be heightened by certain dates and events such as Birthday’s, Mother & Father’s Days, festivities and family occasions. You will be reminded of your loss as the children of your friends and neighbours reach milestones like their first day at school, 18th birthday.. Simple social questions like “How many children do you have?” can be very difficult and you may agonise over how to answer these questions. If your only child has died you may feel the loss of identity as ‘parent’ and the connection to other parents and child- related activities.
Grieving the Loss Parents of a baby who dies of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) will have to process an overwhelming range of emotions. If death is sudden, grief is not necessarily greater than it would have been with an anticipated death. But it may be harder to cope with because it is so disruptive, If it is sudden, There is no preparation, no opportunity to say goodbye
. "After the sympathy meals are done," i.e., the time when all of the food that was given to the family by neighbours and friends stops and everyone else gets back to life, the grieving family begins to face life without the one they lost. Most people assume that the pain immediately following the death is the most heart-rending nightmare but they do not realize that the nightmare continues. The family has to continue to cope with their nightmare through their life. They are facing the rest of their lives without the child they lost. This new reality is by far one of the most painful. Some parents may suffer a broad range of difficult mental and physical symptoms. Depressed feelings are accompanied by intense feelings of sadness, despair, helplessness, loneliness, abandonment, and a wish to die. Parents often experience physical symptoms such as insomnia or loss of appetite as well as confusion, inability to concentrate, and obsessive thinking. Extreme feelings of vulnerability, anxiety, panic, and hyper-vigilance can also accompany the sadness and despair. Grieving parents evidence anger as part of the normal reaction to the loss of their child
You may experience a range of emotions as you grieve including numbness and shock, overwhelming and constant pain, anger, depression, irritability, sadness, disbelief, loneliness and guilt. Because grief is also a very physical experience, you may feel exhausted at times, with lower concentration and attention span. You may experience changes in your eating and sleeping patterns. It’s not unusual to have vivid dreams about the child or a belief they have communicated with you. The death of a child can place great stress on the family system. Each family member must grieve and adjust to the death in their own way. Siblings may also feel left out. Parents may find it difficult to understand and accept their individual ways of grieving. Accepting that there would be a difference between how each member griefs or expresses will help to cope better with the loss. Caring for your other children may feel overwhelming when you are consumed by grief. If you have lost your only child, you may look at other families and feel keenly the lack of the other children.
Coping with Grief Facing the loss of a child can certainly put strain on a marriage and on each parent's relationship with surviving children. It’s important for parents to share their grief with each other and to support each other. Stick together as a family and lean on each other for help. While everyone in the family will need to have their private time, you also can find comfort in each other.
You may feel a need to tell and retell the story of your child’s life and death. While this can be painful, it can help you keep a connection to your child. Losing a child suddenly changes you. Avoid negative people. There will be many people who just do not know how to respond with compassion and empathy to what you and your family are experiencing. They may say insensitive things; or, they may put unrealistic expectations on you. You may want to distance yourself from such people who cannot understand your pain. If there are toxic friends in your life who cannot respect your feelings and treat you with kindness, you need to weed them out. You do not need more pain and sadness in your life. Surround yourself with people who are supportive and caring.
Please pay attention to your health and don’t neglect it. Do not forget to eat, stop exercising, and rely on fast food because you just don't have the energy to cook. Don’t neglect your regular doctor visits and check-ups too. While it is important to make an effort to eat healthy and get some exercise, don’t be angry at yourself for not going to the gym or cooking elaborate meals. Take baby steps to get back on track.
Many bereaved parents have found it helpful to have some guidance and support along the way. Seek professional help when coming to terms with your loss. Don't try to get through difficult situation on your own. While getting Professional medical help to see you through the initial shock of your loss is very important, it is also imperative to continue seeking help. You will need support for any unforeseen issues that the loss may cause, especially as you move through the stages of grief. Issues may crop up like a sibling's poor exam results, teen depression, or a family member no longer wanting to live without the loved one who died. It is much easier to get help in these situations when you are already seeing a professional who knows you and what your family is going through.
Stay a Family Be a family, and remember that your lost child is still a part of it. Everyone in your family will carry the lost child in their hearts for the rest of their lives. Getting back into routine provides a sense of comfort and security, especially for children.
Surviving the death and loss of a child takes a dedication to life. As a parent, you gave birth to life as a promise to the future. Now you must make a new commitment to living, as hard or impossible as it may seem right now.
It will be helpful to join a support group, it offers the opportunity to connect with people who are experiencing the same thing you are, also it provides a safe place to share what you are thinking and feeling with people who "understand it." Expressing your thoughts and feelings can ease the loneliness and provide an outlet for your grief in an atmosphere of acceptance and understanding.
Many parents turn to IMWIDU for support, finding hope and comfort through sharing their story and being able to say the child's name without fear of others turning away when the tears come.

Hope and comfort

Many parents turn to IMWIDU for support, finding hope and comfort through sharing their story and being able to say the child's name without fear of others turning away when the tears come. Expressing your thoughts and feelings can ease the loneliness and provide an outlet for your grief in an atmosphere of acceptance and understanding.

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If you’re struggling with your grief, please seek support from a mental health professional, such as a therapist or psychologist.