Grandchildren are the dots that connect the lines from generation to generation.”Lois Wyse

The bond between grandparent and grandchild is very special. Grandchildren may see grandparents as their role models, teachers, advisers, and sources of inspiration. They share activities with grandparents and enjoy their company. This gives grandparents feelings of being valued and useful, perhaps adding another purpose to their lives. Grandparenthood allows grandparents to enjoy, play with, and indulge their grandchildren without the responsibilities of parenting and discipline. Losing a grandchild is so devastating, a family branch cut short far too early, It is against the natural order. It can be one of the most painful experiences a grandparent can go through. It’s not just their life you grieve, but all the hopes and dreams you had for that. Grandparent’s grief is twofold, two-layered grief can be deeply upsetting. They mourn the loss of the grandchild and the loss of their relationship. Second, they feel the pain of their son or daughter grieve. Grandparents often say the death of a grandchild is a double heartbreak for us, the hardest part is feeling the pain and intense grief of their adult child while feeling helpless, useless and impotent.

Grieving the Loss

Nothing is more precious to grandparents than their grandchildren So to lose one is utterly heartbreaking as they experience what many refer to as a double loss. The grief of grandparents can get unintentionally pushed to the side. Some may consider that as a grandparent your grief will be less intense. Friends and neighbors may ask about your son or daughter but forget that you too are grieving. Every emotional event, like seeing a school bus or hearing children the age of your dead grandchild, will hit you with greater impact.
The death of a child may also disrupt the parents' relationship with their own parents (the child's grand-parents). You may feel great sorrow, not only at the loss of your grandchild, but also at the impact this has had on the family. Reluctant to express the pain to the grandchild's parents, fearing it would make things worse for the adult child. The grandparents often felt compelled to “be there” for their child (the grandchild's parents). Needing to cope with your own grief as well as finding the strength to support your child can affect you profoundly.
The death seems out of order, and forces them to confront their own mortality. Many grandparents suffer from feelings of guilt. Even though we all do the best we can in the circumstances with which we are presented. Still we feel guilty about the things we did or did not do for our grandchildren. One of the most common is survival guilt – “We are alive when the child much younger than us has died”, “We wish we had died in their place”, “I wish it had been me who died instead of my grandchild”, “how could God let this happen”, “Why didn't I die first. Who will now carry on the family name?”, "The loss will resonate through the generations."

Coping with Grief

The death creates a hole in the grandparent’s life that cannot be filled by anyone else. Bereaved grandparents may experience additional stress concerning the emotional and mental wellbeing of your own child who is grieving. You can get through it, but you'll never get over it. Over the years, the pain of your grief as grandparents will hopefully lessen in intensity. At times, it may also be helpful to speak to others about the departed, about your feelings, about your memories. The support and understanding of someone outside of the family unit who have endured similar experiences and are further along the journey of grief can be a great support. The grieving grandparent may want to share the same story about the death over and over again as if talking about the death makes it a little more bearable each time.
Just the act of speaking to a friend, or a therapist when needed, can help deal with grief. Talking to a trusted friend or professional will allow you to express your feelings and help to relieve the heavy burden weighing on your heartLook back and remember the happy times you spent with them. These shared memories will be a treasure for the family. To further cope with your grief, Remember the vitality of your grandchild’s life, pray and talk to their photograph as though they are really present in the home.
Support groups can provide a setting to talk with others who share and understand your experiences and feelings. A shared community in which you can express your emotions to others who understand, having someone available to listen or be a sounding board can ease feelings of loneliness and frustration. You meet others going through similar situations, hear their stories, you will understand that you are not alone.

If you’re struggling with your grief, please seek support from a mental health professional, such as a therapist or psychologist.